


A Prank, a Punch, and a Kiss (Maybe More Than One)

by alwayswaitingforsomething



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, Invisibility Cloak (Harry Potter), It's Just Important to Me That People Know, James Potter is a Good Friend, Lily Ships It, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), No Smut, Not Really Relevant to the Story, One sided Gilderoy Lockhart/Remus Lupin, POV Remus Lupin, Person of Color James Potter, Protective Sirius Black, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, The Marauder's Map, badass remus lupin - Freeform, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26488960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayswaitingforsomething/pseuds/alwayswaitingforsomething
Summary: When Glideroy Lockharts flirting turns into borderline harassment, the Marauders and Lily Evans come up with plans to keep him away from Remus Lupin.It might not sound like it in the summary, but it is very shippy and no, Remus is not a damsel in distress.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	1. Secret

Remus had not had a particularly bad day. The work the professors assigned was easy (even for Peter) and James and Snivolus hadn't caused any trouble. So no, he was not irritated as he read his book under a tree in the courtyard beside James and Sirius and Peter. He was in quite a good mood, in fact. "Did you finish your homework, Padfoot?" James asked. 

"No, Mom, I'll do it later. It's not that hard today." Said Sirius. James spluttered something that sounded like _I'm not your mom_ but Remus couldn't really hear over Peter and Sirius' laughter. Sirius' laugh was loud and came from his gut. To others it might sound obnoxious (and it was, a little) but damn it that boy deserved to laugh, and it wasn't as high pitched and screechy as Peters, so Remus really didn't mind hearing it. He liked to, actually. He smiled softly, although if you were to ask him how he smiled in that moment Remus would not say _'softly'_. Likely, he would say something like: _'Just a normal smile.'_ Or maybe he didn't gen register that he had smiled at all. 

"Very eloquent, Potter." Snape muttered as he walked by. 

"Shut up, Snivilous." James said. Snape threw him a glare, but said nothing more. The Marauders continued as they had been doing, reading and studying and laughing. 

"Homework is stupid. Let's go prank someone," said Sirius. 

"It's not stupid," Remus replied. "And the sooner you get it done the more tricks you can play on people." 

"You're not doing yours." Remus huffed. 

"If I do mine, will you do yours?" Sirius perked up a little, though Remus didn't know why. It was just homework, they did it together all the time. They were quite after that, the only noise being the sound of their fellow students and the wind rustling the trees. 

"Is that Gilderoy Lockhart?" Peter asked as a blonde Ravenclaw boy made his way towards them. Remus groaned. He had had enough of Lockhart for the day. For his lifetime, really. 

"What was that for?" Asked James. 

"Lockhart's a relentless flirt, and not even a _good_ one. Kind of like you James, but less tolerable." Before James could make a comeback, Remus interrupted. 

"Wait he-Lockhart flirts with you?" He looked, well, serious, Remus had been expecting a friendly jibe about him having a boyfriend not...this. Padfoot just sat there, looking contemplative and a little sour. Remus sighed. 

"Yes and he won't stop." 

"Who won't stop? I would love to be of assistance for any problem you may have," Said Lockhart, looming over Remus. Sirius moved a little closer. 

"You know what Lockhart? You can help me." Remus declared. The Marauders all looked to him in shock. Lockhart himself looked incredibly, _aggravatingly_ smug. "You can f*** off and leave me alone." There was a beat of silence before James, Peter, and Sirius all burst out laughing. Lockhart scowled, but still didn't leave. 

"You heard Moony _Lockfart,_ get a move on." Said Sirius, casually throwing an arm around Remus' shoulders.

"Why should I? So you can keep him all to yourself, Black?" The laughter died immediately. Lockhart-or Lock _fart_ as Sirius had dubbed him-was smirking triumphantly.

"Why you little-" Sirius got up, hands balled into fists. Remus was about to jump up and try to keep Sirius from beating Lockhart into a pulp, but James beat him to it.

"It's not worth it, mate," He said. " _He's_ not worth it." Sirius opened his mouth to retort but closed it when James gave him a hard look. Remus got the feeling that they knew something he didn't, a secret only they shared. He looked to Peter, who looked just as confused as Remus felt. It made him feel uneasy. They were the _Marauders,_ they didn't keep secrets from each other! But Sirius sat back down and Lockhart left (still smirking, that b******) so Remus didn't push. 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Sirius was still in a bad mood by the time dinner came around. He had been brooding and quiet all afternoon, and apparently that was attractive to girls (Remus wouldn't know), because they were throwing themselves at Sirius more often than usual. But Remus didn't like seeing Sirius upset-it didn't suit him. James, Peter, and he had tried to cheer him up but nothing seemed to work. He wouldn't even look at Remus. (He tried to ignore the feeling of hurt in his chest.) 

So, even if it meant he was going to get dogged (more like deered) by James all night, Remus went to the most empathetic people-person he knew. 

Lily Evans.

She rolled her eyes at Sirius' dumb jokes, huffed annoyedly whenever Peter said something stupid, and always turned down James' advances. But, when she didn't think anyone was looking, Remus saw her smile at them, almost fondly. More like they were amusing puppies learning how to function. And they-she and Remus, at least-were kind of friends. They spent too much time together studying to be called just acquaintances. So he figured she would be willing to help him. 

He sat down beside her and her friends, two girl whose names he didn't know. Lily's friends sent him confused glaces from where they were sitting. "I won't be long," he said, figuring they wouldn't want him around. 

"If you're here on Potter's behalf, you can leave. I'm not going to Hogsmead with him." Said Lily. 

"I'm not, actually. I need help." 

"Having trouble with your charms homework?" 

"Uh, no. It's about Sirius." Lily looked at him skeptically. There was always something so astute about her gaze, it made Remus a bit uncomfortable. 

"Sirius Black?" One of Lily's friends asked. 

"Yes, now see earlier-" 

"He's so hot," the girl said to her friend on her right. 

"And he's rich!" Said the Girl on the Right. Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius was objectively attractive, and loaded, it was a known fact, but didn't all of Hogwarts know this already? Why keep on going on about it? 

"What happened earlier, Lupin?" Lily asked. 

"You know Gilderoy Lockhart?" Lily nodded. "Yeah, so I told Sirius that he flirts with me constantly, and then Lockfart, sorry, Lockhart, came up to us and was being a prick and Sirius wanted to punch him but James made him stop, and he's been in a bad mood ever since. 

"Potter stopped him? Isn't that a bit hypocritical considering how often him and Severus get into a row?" 

"Yes, but that's not the point. I need to get Sirius to stop _brooding_ -" One of the girls giggled. "-and back to normal." 

"So, let me get this, ah, straight: Black got mad at someone who fancies you, and has been in a bad mood ever since?"

It hit him then, a possibility that made Remus feel a little sick. "Merlin, you don't think he's homophobic, do you?" He asked. Lily stared at him like he was an idiot. And, in that moment though Remus didn't know it, he was. She sighed. 

"No, I don't think Black is homophobic. Just...hang out with him, he'll be over it by tomorrow morning, I'm sure. Now go, and don't forget to tell Potter I'm not interested."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lily was right. Sirius was back to being Sirius the next day, although he did stay a little closer to Remus than normal. Not that he minded in the slightest, he just wasn't sure why he felt weird whenever they touched. Maybe he had caught some magical virus. Yes, that must be it. 


	2. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders +Lily and Lockfart brew amortetia in potions class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts that are bold are potential trigger warnings.

Slughorn was definitely Remus' least favorite professor. Mostly because Lockhart was his second favorite student. (Lily would always be his first.) So he tended to turn a blind eye whenever Lockhart did something he shouldn't. That alone would be enough to annoy Remus, but to make matters worse he had been partnered with Lockhart for potions class. When Professor Slughorn had told them who their partners would be for that year, he had winked at Lockhart. (James had been ecstatic-he'd been partnered with Lily. Lily was less excited.) And Sirius was with Snape. Remus swore Slughorn paired them the way he did to stir up drama. (He was right.) 

But Remus had manged so far to maintain a perfect grade in the class, no matter how many times Lockhart manged to mess up their potions. Now, he considered sabotaging their brew on purpose. Slughorn had announced that they were making amortentia today, and whoever made the best batch would get to keep some. **Lockhart had smiled suggestively at Remus, who thought he might vomit.** **At least then he would be in the hospital wing, not here, with Lockfart, who might try to use the potion on Remus if he wasn't careful.**

"I'll go get the ingredients," Said Remus, intent on getting the wrong ones, or wrong amount. Just something that would ruin the potion. 

"No, I'll get them," Lockhart said. 

"No-" 

**_"I'll get them,_ " Remus paused. Something in the way that Lockhart had said that felt vaguely threatening. He looked to Lily, who was staring at him. Lockhart wouldn't do anything (not in front of all these people) and even if he did, Slughorns star pupil would be able to tell him what exactly happened. Lockhart wouldn't try anything.**

"You get them every time, I'll get them. It's not a big deal." **Remus tried to move past Lockhart, but he pushed Remus up against their table. The beakers and bottles shook with the force of it. Lockhart got close, and for the first time since all this started, Remus felt fear. Remus is usually the tallest when he's around people, and he has as a little muscle. But Lockhart was taller than him, and stronger from playing quititch. Remus' hands shook as he clutched the table.**

"I'll get them," Lockhart whispered. Remus just nodded, wanting any excuse to get away from him. He exhaled as Lockhart walked off. His heart was racing, and not in a good way. Not like how it did when he was with Sirius-wait, what? Speak of the devil-Sirius came over to his table, leaving Snape to start their potion. Remus couldn't tell if Snape was pleased or annoyed. His face just seemed to be pinched into a permeate scowl. 

"Remus, are you all right? What was that?" Sirius asked. 

"It was nothing, I'm fine." 

"You don't look fine, mate," James said from where he was working was Lily. "Your face is all pale and-" Lily elbowed him in the ribs.

"Guys, guys, I'm alright. I mean it." They all pursed their lips and gave him unbelieving looks (Lily included). 

"Mr. Black," Professor Slughorn called from his desk. "Get back to work!" Sirius huffed and looked at Remus once more. 

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" He asked. 

"Yes, it's just Lockhart. I can handle him." Sirius nodded, but Remus could tell he wasn't convinced. None the less he rejoined Snape (Remus till couldn't tell how Snape felt about that) and Lockhart came back with their ingredients. All the right ones in the right amounts. Remus held back a groan. _The one time he does something right-_

"Let's get to work," Lockhart said gleefully. Remus rolled his eyes and began to put the ingredients in. 

There was a spiral of smoke coming out of their cauldron in no time. Lockhart breathed it in heavily. "Smells like you," he said to Remus. 

"How'd you get it to do that?" James asked. 

"I bet they followed the textbooks instructions." Said Lily. 

"Maybe we'd know if you didn't wear so much rose perfume!" 

"Me? You _reek_ of broomstick polish!" 

"Should we tell them?" Sirius asked from across the room. 

"No, it's more fun this way." Remus replied. Lily and James continued to bicker even as Slughorn came to Lockhart's and Remus' table. 

"You two have done wonderfully! You make great partners." Said Slughorn. 

"We sure do Professor!" Lockfart agreed. 

"Tell me, Mr. Lockhart, what do you smell?" 

"I smell chocolate, hair cream, and cherry wood." 

"So you smell more things that you yourself like? That's a whole new level of narcissism." Said Remus. James cackled and Remus barked out a laugh. Lockfart was silent for a minute, seemingly too stunned to speak. Then he said:

"What's wring with self love? And besides, I did smell chocolate, and you like chocolate." 

"You love yourself so much would wouldn't be able to love someone else. Not like people need to be loved." Lily interjected. Slughorn looked between his two favorite pupils, trying to decided who to side with. 

"Ms. Evans could be right, but maybe not. Good job." He said. He returned to his desk and did not look up from his papers until everyone could smell their potion. "Alright class, it's time to see who has the best brew. Mr. Lupin, would you please tell us what you smell?" The whole class turned too look at Remus. He felt a little intimidated under their gazes. Sirius smiled reassuring at him, but there was something curious in his gaze too. He breathed in the sent of their potion, which smelled strangely (but not unpleasantly) familiar.

"Leather and cologne and...wet dog." _Wet dog?_ Remus glanced at Sirius, who, if he didn't know better, looked to be blushing. _Wet dog. Hmm..._ Professor Slughorn and Lockhart frowned. 

"Mr. Black, what do you smell?" Sirius didn't hesitate.

"The woods at night, sweaters that just came out of the laundry, and chocolate." Remus sucked in a breath. His face felt warm and his stomach fluttery. Slughorn frowned again. He asked a couple more people what their potions smelled like, before he announced their 'winner'. 

"The one who gets to keep some of their brew is..." _Please be Lily please be Lily please be Lily-_ "Gilderoy Lockhart!" Remus felt his stomach drop as Lockfart turned to him, holding a vial filled with their mother of pearl colored brew. 


	3. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders plan a prank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential triggers will be bold.

"We have to get that amortentia from him," Said Remus as he sat down with his fellow Marauders at lunch. He and Sirius didn't talk about what they smelled-they didn't have the time. It had been a busy morning. 

"Do you think he'll use it on you?" Peter asked. 

"I don't know, he could use it on anyone. He's _Gilderoy Lockhart_ he cannot be trusted with something so powerful!" 

"We'll get it, don't worry, Moony." Said James. "But we've got to plan this-" 

"I'll just take your invisibility cloak and break into the Ravenclaw boys dormitory." 

"Sounds like a good plan," Sirius said. 

"It would be if you knew where the potion is, where the _boys dormitory is,_ etc. We need to plan this. Because whoever goes in there-"

"Me," Remus interrupted. 

" _Whoever_ goes in there can't get caught. This is bigger than just a prank, this is theft. Slughorn would have our heads if he knew we stole it. Let's discuss this in the common room tonight. I don't want anyone to over hear us."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was a busy afternoon was well. Sirius and Remus didn't see each other out of their classes until dinner. "Lockhart's been blabbering 'bout that d*** potion all day." Padfoot complained, as he sat down beside Remus. "Look at him, showing it off. He's pathetic, needing a potion to get someone to fall for him." 

"What're you going to do with it when you get it?" Peter asked. 

"Not give it to you, if that's what you want to know." Said Remus. 

"Yeah, Wormtail. If you want Amanda to notice you you've to let her know you exist." James told him. 

"Are teachers even aloud to let students have something like that?" Sirius asked. "I know we have wands but we can't do magic without them. Amortentia has life long effects." 

"And is horribly unconsentual." Lily added as she passed by. 

"Lockfart at six o'clock," Sirius muttered under his breath. Remus tensed as a hand came down on his shoulder and Lockhart leaned in so that his mouth was brushing Remus' ear. All the Marauders glared at the Ravenclaw. Usually, with their combined 'Stares of Death' as they were known, they could scare off anyone. Not Lockhart apparently, although there was a certain level of anger in Sirius' glare that Remus had never seen before. It certainly would have made him feel a _little_ frightened had it been directed at him. 

"Let's get drinks at Hogsmead this weekend. I'll meet you at the panting of the Fat Lady at eleven?" Lockhart said. _Said_ not _asked._ Remus felt queasy, and was glad he hadn't eaten anything yet. 

"Uh, no." He said, turning so that he was face to face with Lockhart. **His back was pressed up against the table, and Lockfart was almost in between his legs. It was the wrong move, because Lockhart put his arms on either side of Remus, effectively trapping him in place. He smiled wickedly, like a predator smiles at it's prey right before it strikes.** The whole school was watching them now, and Remus couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed. "Go back to your table, Lockhart." He said calmly, although he was finding it hard to breath. 

"And if I don't?" **Something in Lockharts eyes made Remus shiver, a cold, uncomfortable feeling going down his spine.** He reached for his wand, ready to stun him and drag him to Ravenclaw table. "Ah, I see." Said Lockhart, glancing at Remus' hand, which was curled around his wand. "You Gryfindors, always ready to fight. Using force before brains. I thought you were smarter than that, Remus."

"He is smart," Sirius barked. "Much smarter than you." Remus used the distraction to his advantage and shoved Lockhart, making him fall to the ground. Lockhart glowered as his cheeks colored with shame. He scuttled back over to the Ravenclaw table, head bowed. 

Remus didn't touch his goblet for the rest of the meal.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Marauders gathered together in the common room well after everyone else was asleep. Remus himself was exhausted, but sheer anxiety and adrenaline had kept him up. Sirius had stayed close to him (James and Peter did too, but Remus was more aware of Sirius' presence than theirs) the rest of the evening. Lockhart hadn't bothered them again, but he also didn't give any clues for where he was keeping the amortentia. 

"So I've thought about it and I think I have a plan. Well, an outline of a plan, more like." Said James when they were all seated around the fireplace. (Sirius' shoulder and hip were touching Remus', but what does that matter? It was a perfectly normal interaction between _friends_ , nothing else.) ( _Friends_ who smelled each other when they brewed the most powerful love potion there is.) 

"Well then tell us mate." Sirius said. 

"It'll take a couple of days. First, we need to case the boys dormitory. Remus will take the invisibility cloak and do that tomorrow night-"

"Why would Remus do that? What if Lockfart catches him? No matter how much I hate to admit it, he is good at charms. **What if Lockfart...tries anything**?" Sirius blushed profusely, but the concern on his face and in his words took away from it.

"If Lockhart catches me, it's more likely he won't tell anyone than if one of you gets caught." Remus said firmly. There was no room for argument in his voice, but Sirius tried anyway. 

**"So we should let you get-"**

"No! I'm a better wizard than Lockhart is, I could easily overpower him." 

"Exactly!" James agreed. "So Moony will take the map and cloak and pay ol' Lockfart a visit and see if he can find the potion."

"I still don't like it," Sirius grumbled, but he didn't fight Prongs on it anymore. He did loop an arm around Remus' waist. It felt almost possessive, and if Remus didn't know better he might have thought it was. _Just a friend just a friend just a friend._ He repeated it in his head over and over like that might make it true. 

"But Remus will need to know the answer to every riddle the portrait guarding the passage to Ravenclaw common room. So Peter will write down every question and answer he hears tomorrow, using the cloak. And I'll help him with everything he missed in his classes," James added when Remus opened his mouth to argue. 

"So then Moony will go in when everyone is asleep like we discussed and-" 

"Get the amortentia." Remus finished. 

"Maybe." James corrected. 

"Maybe?!" Sirius and Remus yelled at the same time. 

"Do you want to wake everyone up?" Peter scolded. "But yeah, what do you mean ' _maybe?''_

"Well, Lockfarthas been bragging about his potion ever since he got it. So he'll definitely be using some spells-most likely hexes-to guard it. Sirius, you're going to find out what those hexes are." 

"So me and Remy are going to go in, look for the amortentia, and I'll get hit with a bunch of hexes." Sirius said dryly. 

"Yep. **It's like you said, we can't risk leaving Moony in a compromising position.** When you've learned to counter the spells, you'll go in and get it." The plan seemed half baked compared to their others, but that was good enough for Remus, who was getting more and more paranoid and desperate as the days went on (although he would never tell anyone). "Alright I'm going to bed. Come on, Peter." James and Peter went up to the dorms but Remus and Sirius stayed where they were.

"So..." Sirius began, never one to enjoy the silence. "You smelled wet dog? And leather and cologne?" He said it teasingly but his voice shook a little. _He's nervous,_ Remus realized. _Maybe-no._

"Yeah. And you-"

"Yeah." They didn't speak for a few torturous moments.

"What happens now?" 

"What ever you want, Remus." Moony sucked in a breath. Sirius was so close now, with one hand on Remus' knee and the other one gently caressing his cheek. And his eyes-they were so _earnest_. Remus wrapped his hand up in Sirius' sleep shirt, but he didn't pull him closer. He could feel the heat of Sirius skin and the his own feeling of _want_. Neither of them moved. Remus didn't really know what to do with himself, but he knew what he wanted. He leaned forward. Just one more inch and his lips would be brushing Sirius'-

"Hey, are you guys coming?" Peter asked. The moment was broken, and Remus quickly pulled away from Sirius. Had he really been about to kiss his best friend? Risk loosing the person he loved most? Sirius seemed to understand; he moved away from Remus until they weren't touching at all. And Remus was filled with an overwhelming sense of _loss_. "Guys?" Peter said, seemingly oblivious to what he had interrupted. 

"Uh, yeah Pete, we're coming." Rems answered, getting off the couch, Sirius following at a respectful distance. 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Peter ate breakfast with them that morning before disappearing to scout the entrance to Ravenclaw tower. Remus and Sirius didn't talk. 


End file.
